Issue link: http://cp.revolio.com/i/139497
She took my seat Any parent with more than one child is likely familiar with the maddening, all-too-frequent sounds of sibling bickering. From toddlers squabbling over snacks in the back seat to pre-teens slamming doors and hurling cuss words, sisterly and brotherly spats are enough to make a frazzled parent pull the car over, lock their bedroom door for a little peace and quiet, or wonder "Where have I gone wrong? Why don't they like each other?" "It is a topic frequently discussed at well care visits," says Dr. Nancy McDermott of Advanced Pediatric Associates in Centennial. She says sibling spats are normal, and teach important skills. "However, many parents become upset and worry that their children will never get along." Mental health experts and researchers say the relationships kids have with their siblings can have a big impact on the way they feel about themselves and the kind of adults they become. One landmark Penn State University study showed that by the time children are 11, they spend roughly one third of their time with their siblings (more than with parents, teachers, friends or alone). Later in life, sibling ties often outlast those with everyone else. "These are the longest lasting relationships that people have in their lifetime and they are very emotionally intense," says Clare Stocker, an associate research professor in the department of psychology at the University of Denver. "They are very important." Stocker's research has shown that substantial sibling conflict during middle childhood can have its downsides, increasing the risk of "depressed mood," anxiety, and destructive "acting out" as much as two years later. "It should not be ignored." But handled correctly, it can also have tremendous upsides, providing a safe and valuable training ground for kids to learn how to resolve conflict, express empathy, and practice assertiveness, impulse control, and negotiation skills, says Sheryl Ziegler, a psychologist with the Child and Family Therapy Center at Lowry: "It is a very normal part of the developmental process." Studies from the University of Illinois have shown that siblings between the ages of 3 and 7 argue as many as 3.5 times an hour, while kids in the 2 to 4 age group squabble every 10 minutes. Girls tend to get along better than boys or boy/girl combinations, studies show. For all siblings, discord is at its highest when the first born child is about age 13 and the second-born is about age 10, and begins to wane in the later teen years, according to Penn State researchers. By early to mid adulthood, only about one-third of siblings report strained relationships. "Don't take sides or try to figure out who started it. Just listen and tell them you understand how that could hurt." I'm telling Health and Wellness Magazine • 17